Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
