We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
