So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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