from now on my penis is your penis
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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