Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We have started to decorate penises.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
