Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
