Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
