LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Im part way to drunk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
