I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
