I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
