dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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