Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
