So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
