do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
