my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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