He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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