dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
