He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
