Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
