saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
