I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
