I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
