I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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