worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
