your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think your dad took our porno
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
