I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
