I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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