Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
