If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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