just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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