Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
