No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
