We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
