She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
