You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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