We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i love accidental penises.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
