I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
