he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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