Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
