Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
