I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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