dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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