I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
