I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
