Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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