i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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