Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
