Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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