It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
