those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
