I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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