Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
