Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm too high and old for this...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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