god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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