so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
