Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
