I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
