16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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