yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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