My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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