I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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