I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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