I am puke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
