you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
